Allyssa K . Lifestyle

Yesterday, while enjoying a delicious Crab Cake Benedict and cheese grits, a good friend of mine shared with me how much admiration she has for my confidence. Not jealously or envy, but great respect. I stopped stuffing my face for a moment and listened to her words and her heart. I was deeply moved by what she shared and it reminded me of words my mother said when I was younger, “Allyssa, you command every room you walk in! You’re a beautiful, 6ft tall young lady with unique style choices! Of course everyone is looking at you!”

I’ve heard these words my whole life and had even been asked how I am so confident and where it comes from. I used to think it came natural, but as I got older and spent time around others unlike me, my perspective changed. Now, I believe there are many key factors that determine a person’s self-esteem. I’ll share a few that had the greatest impact in my life:

1. SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION

I wasn’t raised by a “Christian”. I was raised my a Bible toting, scripture quoting, head anointing, demon slaying, prayer warrior who didn’t just go to church, she was the church. A walking testimony of God’s love to ALL. THATS the mother I had and have. Needless to say, outside validation was not a factor in my childhood. God made me, He made no mistakes, His love for me is unmatched and I am His child! The Almighty! WOW! He has my back. He will never leave nor forsake me. Even when times get hard God will always be with me. AND The Creator of this whole world sent His Son to die for me and His Holy Spirit to live within me. WHAT ELSE DID I NEED?! lol These weren’t just words in a book, but the truth. So, when situations would arise, my confidence was not in myself but in the God who made me. I believed in the unwavering power of God so much that I was speaking life into my classmates in pre-k! Everybody ‘gon be saved up in here! lol The God I serve is real, He loves me fiercely and I love myself the same way.

2. A SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY 

Parents, sibling, God parents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, a bunch of extended family, friends, pastor, church family, extended church family, neighbors, parent’s co-workers, village family, extended village family, classmates, teachers, etc… You get the point! I had SUPPORT in everything I did. Not only were people rooting for me but they showed up for me physically, in person. As a creative person, I’ve never gone without support. Whether onstage in front of thousands of people or for an audience of 5. I was encouraged. I was supported financially, paying to get into my events, sponsoring my pageants, investing in my business ideas, buying my products. I was supported spiritually, praying over me and speaking into my life and reminding me of the plans that God had for me. I was supported creatively, being placed in programs that help cultivate my creativity and broaden my perspective. I was supported mentally and emotionally, actively listening to what I had to say, being with me when things did not work out the way I wanted, empowering me to keep going, and reassuring me. If there is anything I’ve had “too much” of, its support lol If I ever had a hater, I’ve never met them! 

3. REPRESENTATION

I wanted to be a modeling, acting, clothing designing, dancing neurosurgeon lol And I knew it was possible because I saw others doing it who looked like me. Maybe not at the same time lol but, to me, everything was possible. If Tyra Banks could model, so could I. If Raven Symone could act, so could I. If Carly Cushnie could design, so could I. I didn’t know any neurosurgeons but I knew it was within my reach. As stated before, my validation did not come from these people, HOWEVER it was a HUGE inspiration to see people who look like me doing what I wanted to do. 

These things built my confidence as a child. As an adult there are other ways in which my self esteem continues to be healthy:

Can you believe that small conversation turned into all this?! Lol Yeah, me neither. I know many people are not privileged in the ways I was growing up, so they may have found other ways to the same goal. I respect that, deeply. It can be hard. I hope someone comes across this one day and it helps them on their journey to confidence and healthy self esteem. 

What about you? Can you relate to this? In what ways? Let me know! Let’s chat! 

I know this was super random but it was on my heart. Thank you for reading! Enjoy your Sunday!

Love & Peace,

Allyssa K. Blair